Funeral for a friend
Chemarryn Thornton • GoPensacola.com
• July 29, 2010
Forgive me if I've not been my usual chipper and sunny self recently, I'm mourning the loss of a good friend.World wide weptFor the past 15 years, I've been nearly inseparable from this particular friend. There was a time when I thought for sure that my comrade would be here long after I was gone. That time came to an abrupt and sad end recently, when the artist currently known as Prince declared my friend, the Internet, all but dead."The Internet's completely over," he told the U.K.'s Daily Mirror, no doubt while dressed in electric purple high heels and butt-out jeans — which, of course, there's certainly nothing wrong with. "The Internet's like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated."MTV? No longer hip? Clearly his Purple-ness hasn't seen MTV's instant classic "True Life: I'm Horny in Miami." or he might be singing a different tune.But that's neither here nor there. The issue at hand is the unceremonious passing of my buddy the Internet without a single soul giving it the eulogy it justly deserves.Allow your friendly neighborhood columnist to rectify that oversight right here and now.Love at first typeI met the Internet in 1995, not long after then-Vice President Al Gore created it. (Before he saved the planet from imminent global warming, the vice president molded the Internet from his own two hands. Step your game up, Joe Biden.) It was in that same year that I put my digital companion to use for the first time by printing out artwork from Japanese manga artists whose work I admired.Since I didn't own a computer, our initial fling was on-and-off for a couple of years. It consisted of me surfing the net for skilled manga artists whenever I could make my way to the University of West Florida library, and the net's dial-up modem disconnecting me every 10 minutes out of apparent animosity for this "long-distance" relationship.It wasn't until I graduated high school in 1997 and got to the Savannah College of Art & Design in Savannah, Ga., that I began to have constant Internet access. This is when the relationship truly began to blossom, as I was immersed in chat rooms, message boards, instant messengers and, of course, downloading.That last item is why I believe the premature death of the Internet has not been mourned as I imagined it would be. It can be argued that downloading has hurt a lot more wallets than its helped, including that of one Prince Rogers Nelson. And while Prince is far from the individual most affected by the Web's rampant piracy and anarchistic nature, he certainly has been the most vocal against it. It's safe to say no tears were shed in Paisley Park when he got news of the death.Fair-weather FriendsterPrince, I'm a fan. But you must come to terms with the fact that the Internet, like any friend, is not perfect. Even as I sit here and champion my fallen comrade, I will readily admit that our past 15 years together have not been without incident.There was the Y2K scare of the late '90s, when I thought the machines were going to turn against their makers at the dawn of the new millennium, much as they did in "I, Robot." Also worth noting are the instances when my digital buddy tried to corrupt my system with viruses, spyware and the like. Not very nice.Perhaps most embarrassingly, however, were the times roommates walked in on me allegedly perusing some of the net's more unsavory Web sites.These are the ups and downs of any relationship, Prince. One minute you're flying high after receiving your item from eBay, the next minute you're quickly covering your monitor in shame.You once asked, "How could you just leave me standing?" I think I finally have your answer: At one time you were hip, and now you've become outdated.Rest in peace, Internet. The good die young.
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